Love Ain’t Enough
He says he misses me. Obviously I miss him. Are feelings alone worth maintaining a relationship? I honestly don’t know, I guess that’s what a lot of this is about.
I need to take care of things in my life that on their own are obstacles to a long term relationship. Yet even if I get my act together tomorrow, I think there are plenty of reasons why another try should be postponed.
Despite his words and the feelings he expresses, I can’t forget all the downslopes on the rollercoaster. When pressured, he was all too eager to break up. I also can’t forget the invisible ex in the room. He may not have been able to stop him from text messaging or calling, but he didn’t have to keep responding to the manipulation. It’s not like he didn’t realize how devious his ex is. Then there was the nagging, the nitpicking, and focus on all the negative. I can’t help but feel like the best course for him is to spend some time being independent, get his ex out of his life, and figure out what makes him feel so agitated and unsatisfied and do something about it.
I know that I am long overdue for a self overhaul. I allowed myself to be distracted by the problems in other people’s lives for too long. It’s so much easier to focus on everyone else’s house than my own. I get joy from being of service and my own issues and challenges seem to boggle me. I don’t know how to help myself. I dream big but I’m content with much less than what I can probably accomplish. The end result is that I’m not fueled by the same emotions and motivations that drive most over-achievers. Good company, some laughs, and something new to learn are all I really need to have a happy life, and all are usually within a short reach. There’s no carrot I can make myself chase.
I don’t think I’ll be over any of this any time soon, I just hope that I can have a little more focus. I need forward momentum if I want to make it back to the Bay. To do that I need to stop juggling so many different things, I need concentration, but at the moment I’m still too overwhelmed by emotion. I hate having a big squishy heart.
So regardless of how I feel right now, love ain’t enough. We can’t even have another shot at it until time has passed and we take care of ourselves. That really doesn’t make it any easier. It still stings, but enough is enough. Now is the time to be practical. I need to direct my attention to matters of necessity and so does he. Right now the world has no patience for human frailty.
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