Memes

Shields to Maximum

I was wrong about that whole vulnerability thing, it just gives your enemies all the weapons they need to destroy you.

I’m really struggling right now. It’s a philosophical crisis that ties very much into my sense of Truth, my willingness to take risks, and my desire to be revealing.

I feel pretty beaten up right now. I know I’m doing most of the punching, but I just keep pounding away uncontrollably.

I thought that by being transparent with my thoughts and emotions I could show a little humanity and bring comfort to other people who might be suffering more quietly or maybe as in the “Be Seen” video gather people who are more like minded. The net result is I don’t have much of a filter anymore. I speak from the heart without regard for the consequences. If you are always conscious of the potential for rejection, disconnection, embarrassment, it is impossible to let your guard down. You make yourself crazy overanalyzing every word before it leaves your tongue.

I’ve been at the opposite end of that extreme before. My ex was ashamed of us, terrified of how the business world would treat us, all because of one tyrannical jackass who really has it out for everyone. The result was, I felt like anything I might say could be used against me and it was better to hold my tongue even if the tip had a good idea, productive criticism, or even an endearing joke. Of course those years were financially rewarding.

Honesty has not been so profitable. I’ve made do, I’ve gotten by, at least for a time. Yet in many ways I think I’m punished for being candid or for how I would characterize my past. So that’s the root of my dilemma. It seems I have to change the way I communicate and project myself or face career paralysis. The voice I’ve spent 4 long years cultivating must be muted. And after paying such a high price, I keep asking what was the whole point of this experiment? What was so important that I needed to say? Society is predicated on lies. The bricks of our institutions are mortared with deceptions, distortions, and censorship. What did I really think I could accomplish?